Oz's Blog

America...America...

2007-03-20T10:40:00.000-07:00

America...
America...
America, F$#% YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother f$%#ing day yeah,
America, F$#% YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
America, F$#% YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
America, F$#% YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
it’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for tomorrow

F$#% YEAH!

McDonalds, F$#% YEAH!
Wal-Mart, FF$#% YEAH!
The Gap, F$#% YEAH!
Baseball, F$#% YEAH!
NFL, F$#%, YEAH!
Rock and roll, F$#% YEAH!
The Internet, F$#% YEAH!
Slavery, F$#% YEAH!

F$#% YEAH!

Starbucks, F$#% YEAH!
Disney world, F$#% YEAH!
Porno, F$#% YEAH!
Valium, F$#% YEAH!
Reeboks, F$#% YEAH!
Fake Tits, F$#% YEAH!
Sushi, F$#% YEAH!
Taco Bell, F$#% YEAH!
Rodeos, F$#% YEAH!
Bed bath and beyond (F$#% yeah, F$#% yeah)

Liberty, F$#% YEAH!
White Slips, F$#% YEAH!
The Alamo, F$#% YEAH!
Band-aids, F$#% YEAH!
Las Vegas, F$#% YEAH!
Christmas, F$#% YEAH!
Immigrants, F$#% YEAH!
Popeye, F$#% YEAH!
Democrats, F$#% YEAH!
Republicans (republicans)
(F$#% yeah, F$#% yeah)
Sportsmanship
Books

Hola

2006-11-01T21:12:00.000-08:00

Que onda?

Hello

2006-10-12T02:02:00.000-07:00

Pitch Hitter

2006-09-14T13:10:00.000-07:00

Since Oz has been too busy to update his blog he asked me to step up to the plate and I gladly accepted.

Oz basically told me that he is a little offended by Big Colin's comment about Keith's hinny, because he feels he has been neglected lately. See "The Oz" is the sexy one in the group and feels as though Colin is trying to tip the balance of power. In Oz's eyes it is like we are all super hero's:

- Chris is "Commander A-Hole" - He always has a plan, but it rarely works and when it doesn't work he blames everyone else for it not working. For instance the time that we were going to open up for Bon Jovi, Chris neglected to tell anybody and even neglected to ask Bon Jovi. When he showed up at the arena he was pissed that he was denied access into the parking lot.
- Big Colin is "Big Fluffy" - He convinces all the female fans of monkeyshyne that he is a big innocent rabbit, the key word here is "RABBIT"...
- Keith is "Lt. Colonel Guyspleasestoppickingonmeoriwillkillyouwithaspork" - He looks like a young George Clooney and really can kill people with sporks, he defends the "don't ask, don't tell" laws of our American Army.
- Oz is "The Oz" - Although mistaken for a woman most of the time, he is really the pretty boy of the group. He basically makes anyone standing next to him look good and that is why "Commander A-Hole" prefers his mike stand to be very close to his own.

So please Colin do not confuse our fans or mess up our little group of super hero's...

Yours Truely Oz (with Chris standing in as writter)

Night Shift Sucks

2006-08-14T22:52:00.000-07:00

I just started working nights and it's kickin my butt tonight. This was the first thing that came to mind when my boss caught me sleeping:

"Whew! I must have left the top off the liquid paper."

Let me know if you've got anything better since I'm sure it's bound to happend again.

Good Point, Colin.

2006-07-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

However, for those of you who have problems with the smoke getting in your hair, clothes and eyes, I suggest something you can find at your local high school.

I think I'm gonna throw-up.

2006-07-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

What's up with all the self-introspection blogs? All I want to know from you homo's is whether you can match my record of twelve keg stands and who's gonna be the first to score a threesome with a set of Coors Light twins.

What a weekend.

2006-07-24T15:56:00.000-07:00

I’ve been to a few weddings this summer and there is nothing like witnessing someone telling the world that they’ve found their soul-mate. Maybe I’m a sucker for romance, but I enjoy being there to witness the special occasion. This weekend, I was in Reno to attend my cousin's wedding and I had a great time.

I arrived Thursday morning, and since I couldn’t check-in just yet, I then proceeded to the buffet. For some of you new to buffet’s, let me suggest that the best time to go would be right before they switch out breakfast and lunch, or lunch and dinner. As I was waiting to let my breakfast settle, Cousin Rob walked up with his lovely fiancée and her family like we were supposed to have lunch together. (I always think it’s more exciting to see someone you don’t expect to see somewhere you didn’t expect to see them.) So I of course screamed like a little schoolgirl and gave him a huge hug. Ok, not really. (Why is it alright for girls to: scream, cry and talk really loud, but it’s not alright for guys?) Anyway, after the introductions and some catching up, it was time for me to check in, take a nap, and then get ready for some penny slots (dude, you can’t go to the tables cold, you might injure your wallet).

Friday, I had the buffet, took a nap, did some more penny slots (wasn’t quite warmed up yet), and then got ready for the rehearsal dinner. After dinner was a special treat: Karaoke! If I haven’t told you already, Rob is the singer in a band called Dexter Freebish. (Just a local band who’s had they’re songs played on the radio and toured the country.) As you can imagine we all had a great time!

Saturday, I had the buffet, took a nap, did some more penny slots (I still wasn’t warmed up, alright?), and then got ready for the wedding. The wedding was great. The ceremony was outdoors and the bride and groom looked amazing. After all the cake was eaten and the music stopped, I headed back to the casino and hit the penny slots. (I’d had a bit much to drink and I didn’t want to lose my shirt at the tables, OK?)

Sunday, I had the buffet, hit the roulette table, bet on James Bond’s favorite number and lost it all, went back to the room and packed, headed to the Aunt and Uncle’s house for some free food before going to the airport(lost all my money, remember? Stupid roulette.), and then got home around 3 am. All in all, I would say it was a pretty good weekend.

Recording

2006-07-15T15:53:00.000-07:00

Today we laid down most of the music for the songs we'll be recording in August. We practice in Chris' garage and it gets pretty damn hot and loud. Actually the drums are the loudest. So loud in fact that Colin was the only one in the room and the rest of us were outside.

After we finished Chris and I went over to Mark's house and jammed with his brothers. Mark has an electronic kit and you can turn the volume up or down on it. What a concept!

See how you can dress it up with some cool lights! Colin so needs to get one of these. Of course hanging out in the room for hours one tends to turn it up louder and louder....

I had the munchies.

2006-07-07T14:58:00.000-07:00

You might have noticed the front page earlier this week. There was a picture of the loot that Ginger gave to us in Wichita last weekend. Well....I took the care package out of the van when we got home early Saturday morning and forgot to take the bag inside. Being the most conscientious person I know of, I took the bag home so that we could partake of it's contents this weekend. Well....I forgot the bag in the car when I got home, and after I loaded my clothes for the trip to New Braunfels I got back on the road.

Chris called me to make sure I hadn't driven off the road yet and since he was making a similar trip to Louisiana, we chatted to pass the time. We would call each other after making a pit stop or if we we're about to pass out from lack of sleep. Chris was almost to his destination and I still had a long way to go, so I decided to get something to eat. I, however, was denied service at a small breakfast establishment since I didn't have any cash. I was not going to be passed over without a fight and tore my car apart looking for some (any) money (have I mentioned that I'm sleep deprived?) and came across Ginger's care package. Hallelujah! I was saved! I pounded a Rockstar, had some Chocolate Monkey, Chili-Cheese Fritos, Black and White trail mix, Bear Naked granola, Caffeine gum, and I even tried one of the fans (wore the damn thing out!). Needless to say, here's all that's left.

Sorry boys. Maybe Ginger will make individual bags next time?

Odds and Ends (re-mix)

2006-07-04T09:59:00.000-07:00

I would like to comment on Keith’s “Odds and Ends” blog. At first glance, it appears to be a lot of crap; enough to take up the entire living room. However, I’ve been to Keith’s apartment and trust me when I say that there is no such thing as a “junk drawer” in his house. If you look a little closer at his picture, there’s nothing bigger than a triple-A battery. I bet everything fit nicely inside an old shoebox and was tucked into it’s assigned place on the top shelf of the closet.

Some of you may not believe me, but I’ve got first hand knowledge of the surroundings. Colin, Chris, and I spent the night after having a little too much to drink after playing at Bum’s. The first thing Keith says upon entering his humble abode, “Sorry about the mess. It’s not normally like this.” Colin, Chris, and I look at each other quizzically as I said quietly, “What mess?”

Still don’t believe me? Here’s a picture of his office, and yes, we had to sleep in those outfits.

Corporeal Punishment

2006-06-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

I'm at the mall and this kid tells his mom, in no uncertain terms, that he won't do his chores if he doesn't get something (can’t remember what it was). Now I fully expected the little brat to either get backhanded or his ass whipped. Nope. She acquiesced to his request. I was stunned. I’m not saying that I enjoy violence, but I wouldn’t have minded seeing the little brat cry. All that kid learned was that he could get whatever he wanted by throwing a tantrum. Then he’ll go home with his new gift, take out the trash, and probably get paid for it.

When did it become socially unacceptable to spank your kid (once or twice, not fifty times) in public? I remember seeing other kids get a good smack in the grocery store, department store, corner store…and smiling because I knew they had done something to warrant it, and I’d be damned if I was going to do something stupid enough to get spanked in public. I’d been spanked in the grocery store once, and it was so embarrassing that I made up my mind I was never going get one again.

I say, bring back public humiliation. We would have less of these tantrum throwing runts running around driving everyone mad. If the thought of it makes you feel a little queasy, then I’m sure you could ask a perfect stranger (man, if she’d only asked me) and they’d be glad to help.

It's okay Cliff. Let me help.

2006-06-20T17:54:00.000-07:00

At first glance I really liked Cliff's poster of us. Then I looked a little more closely and decided that everyone else looks really cool and I look pretty dumb. Then I realized that Cliff might not have any cool pics of me. So Cliff, I've decided to give you a helping hand.

Here's one where I'm answering a few questions for the press. I'm not sure I like my right side. I don't think it captures my likeness as well.

Here's one of my left side. Yes it's in the shadows; which might not have captured my likeness either.

Of course you might want the obligatory crowd shot.

Then it hit me. It should be in black and white. Perfect.

My Best Friend's Wedding.

2006-06-16T14:26:00.000-07:00

My best friend Lennie is getting married tomorrow. We've known each other since high school and apart from the occasional girlfriend he's never been the type to settle down. However, he's met the coolest girl in the world and they couldn't be happier.

I wish you both a long and happy life together.

You're doing so well! Keep it up!

2006-06-14T05:11:00.000-07:00

With Chris being our Business Manager for the band, I’ve brought up the small issue of his spelling needing a little work. With so much of his time spent contacting people for booking and donations by email, I wanted to make sure he wasn’t ignored for a few spelling errors. So, I’ve been working with Chris lately on his spelling. Here’s a sample of his earlier work:

I am the Consulate General Directorship of Nigerian Secretary of Treasurer. I have $13,600,000 in a Special Account held for escrowing after the passing of Dr. Reinghold. His relatives could bee found should he be existing and I will bee needing of your bank account and fax information. I offer you to purchase V-1aGRa of half price below retail. If interested, please to send bank and fax info quickly to taking advantage.

As you can see, there are a few spelling errors and unfortunately spell check doesn’t catch them. I suggested that he might try writing in a graffiti style so that he can take his time and think about what letter comes next in the word. He loves this new approach. He gets so excited that he’s taken to calling our lesson time: “Spelling Time with Oz”. I’ve also been trying the phonetic approach, but I’m afraid it’s not working. Don’t worry Chris, I think in a couple more weeks you too will be able to write “Powerade” and “Diet Coke”.

Hello? Does anybody even read this?

2006-06-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

For those of you that read my blog, I've been on vacation. I'm not really allergic to blogging. I've just been avoiding it. Big difference.

I was in Seattle hanging with my family. My cousin graduated from high school and I wanted to be there for it. She was there for mine and I was definitely going to be there for her's. We had a great time. I saw the EMP and made sure to visit Dick's Hamburgers. The rest of the time I just relaxed.

When I came back, Cliff surprised us with tickets to the Desperado game that he was "working".

As if you could call this "work":

Chris is soooo smart.

2006-05-22T11:19:00.000-07:00

By now you've seen the poll on the main page. I tried to vote for myself at least eight times and was denied. Whatever happened to the good old days when you trusted everyone to vote just once?

That's alright. For those of you that want to vote for me and are unable to because you accidentally voted for Chris....just include a little comment and I'll make sure your vote gets tallied for the right person.

I would just like to close by saying, "I think some people have negative stereotypes about beautiful people. Which is unfortunate because deep down, we all want the same thing: world peace."

Gimpy and Grumpy

2006-05-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

Chris and I are both on injury reserve right now and it's very frustrating to have to watch the action from the sidelines.

Thursday's I play v-ball with Chris, Amy and my wife. As I'm watching my wife play v-ball, guess who shows up? Chris. He hasn't shown up since his injury, but he's there to watch his wife also. I'm excited because now it means I've got someone to complain with. And complain we do.

"It's going to be umpteen weeks before I get to play again."
"Good thing I'll be out of town next week; I don't have to torture myself by watching and not playing."
"Ever notice how when you're not hurt you might think of an excuse not to play? But when you can't play, you want to?"

This continued for at least an hour and half and probably would have gone on longer if the game hadn't stopped. I did feel better afterwards. Right now I'm feeling a little depressed. I think a little complaining session on the drive to Temple tonight is just what the doctor ordered.

One rant, One rave.

2006-05-18T15:39:00.000-07:00

Rant: I can't stream video at work anymore.

Rave: They put little condiment packets in the lunch room. (now i can stock my fridge for free!!)

Can I try some? Um, Never mind.

2006-05-16T11:04:00.000-07:00

Keith has a weird fascination with Chili Cheese Fritos. I'm sure you've read all about it. One thing he neglected to mention was how he doesn't really want to share them with anyone else.

On the way to Wichita Falls Keith bought his quintessential Fritos. They are so inherent to his trip that I'm afraid to see what might happen if we didn't stop for them. So, when I asked Keith if I could try some, he looked at me like I'd just asked if I could date his mom. He reluctantly gave me the bag and I poured myself a small handful. Keith looked like he was going to cry, so I gave him the chips back.

Now, I'm not sure if he knew he was doing this, but everytime he put some chips into his mouth, he would kind of lick his fingers. I'm not talking about a full lick; Just the kind that gets your fingers wet. Then he would put them back into the bag of chips and grab some more.

Who does that? How about waiting until your done eating and then lick your fingers?

*Whooh. Just got the chills.*

I so got your back.

2006-05-13T13:27:00.000-07:00

Chris, I so got your back. I'm not sure what Colin is talking about. If you hadn't been there to carry me and my cousins back across the border...we might still be there. If you hadn't scored the hat-trick to put us ahead in FIFA '05 and then jumped off the coffee table in celebration...you wouldn't have a bum knee. And if you hadn't sacrificed your liver to get us to the finals in that volleyball tournament...I would surely have had alcohol poisoning.

I want to go on record and say, "You're super, Chris. You're super."

As for Colin, I think he tends to forget how many times we've tore down and put up his drum kit, given him 9-volt batteries, and made sure he had his fan along with an ashtray so that he could give his all to "the show".

Last night we played with The Killdares (fantastic band) in Wichita Falls. Whenever we play before a band at the Iron Horse, Colin doesn't have to set anything up. He plays on the headliner's kit. With all the extra time he has you would think he might help out Chris or myself by getting out our guitars, or plugging in our pedal boards. Nooooo. He's off getting a coke, having a smoke, and flirting with the waitresses. So Colin, when you're thinking about flirting, just ask yourself, "Hey, I wonder if Super Chris and The Oz need my help?" Chances are we don't, but that way you won't mistake our cries for help as whining.

Boys Don't Cry

2006-05-11T14:28:00.000-07:00

Chris accused me of faking my injury because I was jealous that he was getting all the attention. His knee is swollen to the size of a grapefruit and he thinks his knee should be getting massaged.

Well my right hip flexor may not be swollen, but if it was massaged just right, the strangest thing happens...I start swelling in other places.

Thanks so much, Chris.

2006-05-10T08:58:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I played an inordinate amount of soccer. However, that isn't good enough for me. I also play Monday nights on an indoor league with Chris. Chris calls me on Monday and asks if I'll be at the game. This is our conversation:

me: What's up?
chris: What's up?
me: Nothing.
chris: You gonna be at the game tonight?
me: Yeah. I'll be there.
chris: You have a good weekend?
me: Yeah. We didn't advance, but that's cool.
chris: Cool.
me: Hey. You gonna be at the game tonight?
chris: Um. My knee's still swollen and I don't think I should play.
me: Oh. Alright.
chris: I may come up there though.
me: O.K. If I see you, I see you. If not, see you Wednesday.

Needless to say, Chris didn't show. I'm a little tired from the weekend and so I do a little extra streching. Of course everyone asks me where Chris is and I have to explain about his knee. Which in turn brings on the jabs about how he's getting "old". I in turn laugh accordingly and then feel a little guilty. Well, I guess feeling guilty wasn't good enough for ol Kharma. I ended up tearing my hip flexor the beginning of the second half and couldn't play the rest of the game.

Thanks so much, Chris. You and your damn Kharma.

Guess I'll need some volunteers this weekend to help massage my right hip area.

week without a mexican

2006-05-07T15:16:00.000-07:00

The "day without a mexican" turned into "a week without a mexican". I did absolutely nothing of importance at work, and I certainly didn't blog at all. I did however play in a soccer tournament this weekend with a bunch of friends I hadn't seen in a long time.

We ended up going 1-1-1.

Those of you that know me know that I've played a fair amount of soccer during my life. I've even played in a few tournaments. The thing that I haven't done since I was eighteen, is drink before the tournament.

The same can't be said of my teammates.

Most of them went down early and played golf on Friday and pretty much stayed inebriated all day long. You know it's bad when one of the guys you've just kicked and yelled, "It's 8 o'clock. Get up." responds, "In the morning?" I thought most of them would swear off the drink until at least 3pm. Nope. That didn't deter my team from drinking before the first game, when they sub'd out, and in between games. After our last game, I asked the captain, "What are our chances of advancing to the semi's?" He took a long swig of his beer, looked me straight in the eye and said, "Doesn't matter. We'd just forfeit anyway."

A Day Without A Mexican

2006-05-01T16:32:00.000-07:00

Today was "Day without a Mexican" day.

I decided to leave my Mexican half at home today sleeping while the White half went to work. Well the white half didn't do any work today either.

I am so not cool.

2006-04-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

I went to the eye doctor the other day because I'm having a hard time focusing on the computer screen at work. I feel tired and start getting a headache if I spend too much time in front of it. Anyway, the doctor prescribes glasses. I looked at him like he was crazy and he tells me I have a slight case of astigmatism. Yes folks, it's all downhill after you turn 21.

So, I get a pair of glasses which of course took 2 hours to pick out due to the opinions of at least three women, and start wearing them at work. Everyone had a field day calling me an old man. I of course know that they're just jealous of how sexy and intellectual I now looked.

No sooner do I make these remarks and a coworker ask for some help with a spreadsheet. I grab my new glasses, head to his cube, and proceed to amaze and dazzle him with my newfound intellect. I pull my glasses off to rub my eyes (I'm definitely not used to them) and set them on his desk. I head to my cube to grab some information that will help, walk back into his cube, and sit right down on my new glasses.

Can you say: Moron?

Love Lost.

2006-04-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

I watched a movie the other night that made me wonder when is the right time to say "it's" over? In the past I know I've struggled trying to make things work in a relationship and knowing all the time it was never going to work out. Why do so many of us put ourselves through that?

Love.

We just want to love and be loved. Yet there are so many things that get in the way. Age, height, color, feet, hands, moving, bills, work, sexual preferences....

However, I do agree with Tennyson: "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".

Colin, what's wrong?

2006-04-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

I really can't remember what we were talking about that day. I just remember that we were in Wichita Falls and Scott was taking the picture. So I decided to come up with a few captions for the picture. If y'all decide to post your own caption, I'll come up with a story about it.

"Guys, I really want to quit smoking"
"Guys, I really have feelings for y'all"
"Guys, that Taco Bueno is killing me"

Is this thing on?

2006-04-13T07:42:00.000-07:00

I pull up to the drive thru at Whataburger at 5:45 this morning and this is the conversation I have with some dude over the speaker:

(Mind you, his headset was on the whole time and he's talking with people at the window also)

Dude: Can you hold on a second?
Me: Sure.
Dude: You had onion rings and a large coke?
Customer1: Yeah.
Dude: ONION RINGS! I NEED ONION RINGS!
Dude: Here's your change.
Customer1: Thanks.
Dude: I NEED A CINNAMON ROLL! Here you go.
Customer2: Thanks.
Dude: You still there? I need fries.
Me: Are you talking to me?
Dude: Yeah.
Me: I'm still here.
Dude: O.k. Give me a second.
Me: Hey, by the way your mic is on all the time and I can hear everything.
Dude: Yeah I know. I'm just real busy. Be right with you.
Me: O.k.
Dude: You had 2 orders of fries and a coke, right?
Customer3: Yeah.
Dude: Need ketchup with that?
Customer3: Yeah. Can I get some mustard?
Dude: You want mustard?
Customer3: Yeah. ( I can hear the guy walk away from the window)
Dude: Mustard? What kinda sh#$! is that?

Oh My God! I almost peed my pants after I heard that! The dude took my order and when I got to the window, here's our converstaion:

Dude: You need picante with that?
Me: Nah....Can I get some mustard?
Dude: Ah man. (smiling) Don't do that to me. It's been a rough day.
Me: Hope it gets better!

Moral of the story: Don't order mustard.

Work sucks.

2006-04-12T07:51:00.000-07:00

I was sooo close to setting up my myspace page and the site ended up getting banned by my work. How uncool is that? What kind of a world do we live in where I can't cruise the internet and browse what I want? How am I supposed to keep up with what's going on in everyone's life?

Man I hate work.

On a lighter note.....

We've decided to do something about Chris' nasty disposition of late. If you're unfamiliar with this latest trend, read http://colinmonkeyshyne.blogspot.com/ and http://chrismonkeyshyne.blogspot.com/ to gain some insight.

After some serious discussion with Colin and Keith, we've decided to audition someone with a more cheerful temerament, Graham. Right now he's really good at just breathing heavy into the mic, but his smile makes up for any lack of singing ability. Plus I've been looking for an excuse to be able to sing more....

Puppets?

2006-04-09T19:56:00.000-07:00

I've just finished playing in my outdoor soccer game and I'm pretty bruised up as usual, and I started thinking about how I've got to get up to go to work at 4:30 in the morning. I ask myself every sunday why I do this to myself and the only answer I can come up with is, "Do you have anything better?".

And then it hit's me...why not become a puppeteer? I could work at elementary schools and warp young minds. How cool would that be? Yeah!

Then again, maybe I'll sleep on it.

The Truth?

2006-04-03T07:39:00.000-07:00

I heard an advertisement on the radio for a camp that will tell you the truth. What exactly is the truth. Should truth be put in quotes or capitalized? Is the truth something tangible?

This camp is for kids under 16. I remember when I was growing up I had a lot of questions. Maybe this camp has all the answers. Here's a few questions I'm sure will come up:

Why does 2+2=4?
Why do caterpillars turn into butterflies?
Why is blue called blue and not red?
Why does mommy sleep with other women?
How many pennies are in a dollar?
Why are girls underwear called panties and mine are called boxers?
What's the second fastest land mammal?
Where do babies come from?

If there's indeed a camp that can answer these questions, then that's where I'll want to send my kids. Just think of the enjoyment I'll get everyday when I can tell my them, "Don't ask any questions and I won't tell you no lies. Just write it down and ask when you get to camp"

Ladies night.

2006-04-01T14:19:00.000-08:00

Colin says we're strong enough for a man, made for a woman. I'm tending to agree with him. Every night at a monkeyshyne concert is Ladie's Night. There is more girl-on-girl action at our shows than at most other bands shows. I think it has something to do with the pheremones I give off...or maybe it's my "SEX PANTHER" cologne. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I'd much rather see three girls dancing together than three guys anytime.

So come out tonight and see for yourself. We'll be down in Deep Ellum playing at the Liquid Lounge around 9pm. For those of y'all that aren't into the whole girl-on-girl thing, Chris said he might just pee on stage, which I'm betting will incite a riot.

Good Times.

When is "It's time" really "It's time"?

2006-03-30T14:33:00.000-08:00

When is "It's time" really "It's time"? This statement could apply to a lot of situations.

It's time to get a new girlfriend. It's time to get a new van. It's time to get a life.

See what I mean? However in my case this weekend's, "It's time", means I have to clean the hottub, fix the shower, and get rid of the crap in my music room that's been gathering a layer of dust an inch thick.

The one I dread the most is the junk I've managed to save for at least the last ten years of my life. What am I going to do with a "Mystery Inc." van, or a wallet that I swore I would use one day? Nothing. However, I know as soon as I open a box full of memorabilia, what should take 30 minutes will take all day. I've got pictures that I've never put up; much less even know why I took them. I've got pens from a hotel that I stayed at when I went to Washington D.C. in the eighth grade. What am I going to do with that? Hand it down through the generations?

Maybe I'll just throw away one box a day without looking at what's inside. That way I won't remember what I had and I'll never miss it.

Welcome back....like I could forget.....

2006-03-27T15:03:00.000-08:00

I've welcomed back my friends Shannon and Doug, but I've yet to officially announce my enjoyment at having Keith back in the band.

Ummm...ok, whoo hooo.

Welcome to the area.

2006-03-25T09:24:00.000-08:00

Some friends of mine have moved to Dallas. They lived in Virginia Beach which is a pretty cool area to live in. Why move to Dallas? Cuz they missed me.

They now live in the West Village. Damn that place is cool! I haven't been down there in a long time (years). There's some construction going on right now, but when that's done, it's going to be a beautiful place to live. I know I couldn't live there because I would be broke with all the shopping and restaurants.

Anyway, welcome home. I know we'll be seeing a lot of each other.

Dr. Pepper

2006-03-21T15:14:00.000-08:00

I drove home from the show on Saturday night and needed to stay awake, so I stopped at the gas station and decided to get some chips. Well, you know how something salty and sweet go together? I grabbed some m&m's too. I knew I'd be thirsty and decided on water when out of the corner of my eye I spied a Dr. Pepper. I figured what the hell? Couldn't hurt.

That's when I learned something new about D.P. It comes in "regular" and "kick-ass". The latter version is made with Imperial Sugar. Good God. That stuff is soooo good I'm glad I can't get it around here cause I would definitely be a diabetic.

S Lounge on a Saturday Night

2006-03-19T16:35:00.000-08:00

The title works really well when you hum it in the style of Chris Farley....Fat guy in a little coat...

Anyway, we played in Wichita Falls last night and for those of you that haven't seen us we tend to put out lamps during our shows. Some think it makes everything intimate; others think it's because we're the "shyne". Either way Chris decided to pull out of retirement our two-sided "LOVE/HATE" lamp. One side says love...turn it around and you get hate. Seeing as how I'm a lover not a fighter, I had the love side facing everyone. It worked well. So well that guys were asking girls to dance and everyone was having a good time when I guess someone's boyfriend takes offence to his girl dancing with someone else and next thing you know people are exchanging words, someone's yelling for security, and one of the guys gets asked to cool off and leave.

Well, you know how when you're drunk you take everything literally? That's what this guy did. He decided to pour the rest of his beer over his head and walk out of the club. Chris suggested turning around the lamp to the "hate" side to pull all the negativity out of the room. Worked like a charm. Not a problem for the rest of the night.

Now I'm on a search for another two-sided lamp that says "GET NAKED/GET NAKED".

It's official. I have a look alike.

2006-03-17T11:20:00.000-08:00

Yep. It's official. I've been told by three different people at three different times in three different places that I look like Matthew McConaughey. I can see how some might see this. We're both about the same height, same build, and have both played the bongos naked (he just got caught). Some of you are still skeptical but if you look at pictures of us side by side it's uncanny the resemblence.

Dazed and Confused

Sweaty

Smiling for the camera

Useless thoughts from my useless mind.

2006-03-13T14:11:00.000-08:00

As I was sitting here eating an orange, I realized that I absolutely cannot stand the stuff left on the outside of the orange after you peel it. What is that? I don't want to eat that. Why can't it just come off with the peel? It's almost as bad as the stringy stuff you get when you peel a banana.

Whoo, I just got the chills!

Hi.

2006-03-09T17:08:00.000-08:00

Hi. I know some people actually read what I decide to write about. Thanks. Yes, it was my birthday last Saturday, and yes, plenty of people came out to see us play. Thanks. Some of y'all even gave me cards or signed the HUGE card that Colin made for me. Thanks. But sometimes I get busy and forget to write about my amazing weekend and then a few days pass and I figure no one wants to hear about old stuff. Sorry. However, knowing this does not always mean I'm able to muster the strength to find something in my tiny brain that's new to talk about. Sorry. With that in mind, I'm going to stop now and watch American Idol so I've got something to talk about tomorrow.

American Idol Impersonator?

2006-02-27T14:30:00.000-08:00

When Chris told me that there was a person impersonating him on American Idol I didn't believe him. Now of course I do.

I believe I have a solution to this problem. I'm going to need someone to bring a video camera to the show on Saturday. Then I think we should have Chris (the real Chris) sing Wanted Dead or Alive. Finally we send in the video to American Idol and have all the fans vote on who's the real Rock Star.

Of course the American public will vote for Chris (yes, the real Chris) and we'll instantly become famous. Yes I'm including Colin and myself. Once the world sees how cute we are they'll fall in love with us.

Thank you

2006-02-24T15:47:00.000-08:00

"You all are truly wonderful, talented people.

While I have your ear... I feel its important to share some thoughts with you. I enjoy your music. There is a lot of power in your lyrics. I can feel the emotions in your words and music which blend together perfectly. Through my mind's eye I can see, as in a dream, the stories that live in your songs. And for those moments I can drift above the dream's action and watch your tales unfold. It's a great feeling to absorb and be absorbed by your art. I rarely feel this way about anyone's music. I am happy and lucky Lisa T. introduced me to your music.

I have a great deal of respect for bands that connect with their fans. No matter how famous or recognized you all become [the gods know you deserve it] never, ever let your ability to reach your fans diminish. I wish you all the very best and hope to see you again. Have a great day.

Brandon K. Lewis..."

I wanted to say "Thank You" back. I started writing music for myself and somewhere along the way I allowed others to hear what I created and getting a response like yours Brandon is what has pushed me to keep creating and sharing. Thank you for allowing us to become a part of your life.

Let them eat cake.

2006-02-22T16:51:00.000-08:00

Yes, I admit that yesterday I was scared of being nekked in front of a group of people, but thanks to Terd and Colin, I'm cured. Yesterday we played a birthday party for Terd and her closest friends (and maybe some party crashers). On the way to the party Colin brings up the fact that at one time I used to feel uncomfortable just being on stage and the only way to cure that was to get up there, over and over. Now I'm totally comfortable. So he figured that the only way to get over my fear of being nekked was to practice. O.K. So I started in the van.

Every 15 minutes I'd take off a piece of clothing. After about an hour I had nothing on but my socks and shoes. I was a little uncomfortable at first because Colin would keep looking over at me to make sure I didn't cover up. After about an hour I felt liberated. To tell the truth, I felt kind of sexy sitting in my red velvet captains chair.

We showed up to the place and I got dressed. I felt a little constricted, but it was so damn cold I quickly got over it. After much debate with Colin I said I'd go ahead and try a little nudity. I figured I'd try something small, seeing as how this was Terd's night and all. I was going to take off my shoes and socks and run around the stage "barefoot". However, Colin had different plans. He told Terd about my goal and she agreed to help Colin get me nekked. At one point during the party, Terd said she was cold and asked to borrow my long sleeve shirt. Sneaky, very sneaky. So there I am barefoot and shirtless and Terd suggests rubbing icing from the cake all over my torso to keep warm. As soon as I felt the icing on my skin, I knew I had to be covered in it. Needless to say, I was covered from head to toe and boy did I feel sexy.

Thanks Terd. I owe you one...cake that is.

Proposal

2006-02-21T08:25:00.000-08:00

All this talk of getting naked has left me feeling a little apprehensive. What if Colin's inflated view of me gets marred? I don't think I'll be able to face the rejection.

Instead, I propose that Colin and Keith get naked and Chris and I stay fully clothed.

Colin has a secret.

2006-02-18T10:32:00.000-08:00

Thanks to everyone who came out to last night's show. If you missed it, Colin almost fell through a window, Keith played bass with us, and I'm pretty sure I was slipped a rufie cause I don't remember anything after midnight. I do know it was pretty damn cold though. I hope the Firewater show will be 80 degrees and we all get to be out on the patio. Maybe it will be so hot that I'll have to undress?

I think Colin has been secretly hoping so.

Attitude adjustment.

2006-02-15T08:00:00.000-08:00

I have been told I need to change my attitude about Valentine's Day. See, I believe it's a commercial holiday and that if you don't take your significant other out to dinner, get a card, some flowers and a teddy bear on any other regular day, then you are a poor excuse for a partner. Why does there have to be a day that is required for someone to spend an exorbitant amount of cash on the other person? One should be free to do so on a regular Tuesday if one feels so inclined.

If we do keep this "holiday", let's change it around and have all the women be responsible for setting up the reservations, drawing a bath, lighting some candles, and pulling out the massage oils. Let's make sure they get us a card and if they don't...there will be some serious consequences. Such as: I will get to play golf every weekend for a month, or, I'll go ahead and buy that guitar you were going to get me because you love me so much. I don't really need a diamond ring/necklace/tennis bracelet. Just a new Taylor 300 or 600 series cutaway.

Leadership?

2006-02-11T18:10:00.000-08:00

My job just sent me and 16 others from work to a Leadership Summit. I'm almost positive it was an accident. Needless to say, I wasn't prepared. I had no idea that "summit" means: "highest point of attainment". I thought it was the top of a mountain. Wow do I feel stupid. I think I should've been sent to a Vocabulary Summit.

Nontheless, it was a good time. I had "real Kansas City barbeque". Of course I have no idea what was meant by that statement. I'm figuring a.) there are a lot of fake barbeque places in K.C., or b.) they actually invented "barbeque". Who knows? I was afraid to ask since I had already screwed up the meaning of summit.

And you want me to lead others?

It warms my heart.

2006-02-04T13:44:00.000-08:00

Thanks to everyone who sent their "best wishes for a fast recovery" letters for my dog, Zoe. I must have read at least a thousand letters to her. Which if you ask me, definitely brought her back from Death's open arms.

It warms my heart that there are people who care more for the health of others than they do themselves. Colin said that he would eat quesadillas, drink a liter of Mountain Dew, and smoke at least 5 to 10 cigarettes a day if it would help Zoe get better. Well Colin, it has. Thanks so much for your sacrifice.

And speaking of sacrifice, I don't think it's too much to ask of everyone I know to give up their Saturday on March 4th and go see Monkeyshyne for their CD release party.

You've got to be kidding....

2006-02-02T14:50:00.000-08:00

I took my dog to the kennel while I was away on vacation. It's a good kennel and they treat her fairly. Last time I took her there they made the mistake of putting a bag of dog food against her door. She showed the dog next to her how to open the bag and they made short order of it. So, needless to say, she enjoys the place.

When I picked her up and brought her home she started hacking. I figured since she probably needed a bath she ended up trying to clean herself in the kennel and was trying to hack up a hairball. It was pretty funny at first, but after she kept it up for a while I figured there might be something wrong....turned out to be kennel cough. Great, now my dog sounds like she's been smoking for 40 years!

Dont' worry, she got a shot and is doing better.

I'm back

2006-01-31T10:17:00.000-08:00

I'm back from vacation now. It was cool. I didn't learn a Frontside 180 to Switch Method like I'd planned, but it was still cool. Actually I've been back for a week and I just couldn't think of anything cool to write about.

Sorry.

I plan to do better from now on.

I will make sure I keep everyone up to date on all the cool stuff I do all the time. Like taking my dog to the vet or how I plan on cleaning my hot tub this weekend.... Stay tuned for all kinds of riveting stuff.

See Ya!

2006-01-19T03:03:00.000-08:00

Going on vacation today. See y'all when I get back. In the meantime, make sure you give Chris a little love. He's been burning the candle at four ends and is about to have a meltdown. Get it? Meltdown?

Man I crack myself up....

Later

Trend-setter

2006-01-16T19:57:00.000-08:00

I've found some crash pads for me to wear up in the mountains. Usually my butt is killing me within 2 hours of being on the slopes. So, I've made up my mind. No more bruised butt and just in case I hit a tree (ahem, Amy...) I won't break any ribs, hopefully. Here's a preview of my undergarments:

I'm even thinking about just wearing these and nothing else. Ok, maybe a cape and a mask too.

I so need a vacation.

2006-01-14T17:09:00.000-08:00

This weekend so far has been nothing but work, work, work. I'm expecting more of the same tomorrow and Monday. What a drag. The only thing keeping me going is the snowboarding trip I have planned next week. Here's what I plan on doing.

Okay. Yes. I'm the guy sitting on the left, but that's because I've already ridden all the green trails and I'm kinda tired. I can't wait!

What the...?

2006-01-13T07:29:00.000-08:00

The guys in the band are going to be mad at me, but this is the funniest damn picture I have seen us take. Usually one of us are making a supid face or gesture, but this picture....whew, it caught Colin and Chris at the right moment! Well, maybe it was the wrong moment...and what's with the goofy look on my face? Oh, I remember. Someone was touching my butt. Wonder who that was?

Is that.....? Oh My God, yes it is!

2006-01-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

That's right folks, Terd Ferguson in the flesh. She decided to grace our presence the other night in WF. My first thought was, "That's a huge b*tch!" Second thought was, "That's a huge b*tch!" I'm at least 6 feet tall and she dwarfed me. She showed up and left before I opened my mouth and made a fool of myself. Thirty minutes later she came back and demanded to hear music. My first thought was, "I can take her." The second was, "That's a huge b*tch!" So I asked her for a picture and got my rear on stage, pronto!

Resolution

2006-01-05T05:40:00.000-08:00

I, Oz, will stop biting my nails this year. Yes, I know, Gross! Same could be probably said about any habit, but I've been told it looks very unattractive. Of course when you have the habit, you don't really see it that way. I did however, come across a person driving down the road with what looked to be their fist in their mouth, and I thought it looked pretty damn funny.

So, I've decided that I will TRY to quit. I figure that since there are 12 months in the year and I've only got ten fingers, I will quit chewing one fingernail a month. This should give me an extra two-day grace period per finger in case I slip and start gnawing away on that nail. I do think I'll be okay for the first month since I'll still have nine I can shove in my mouth, but after month seven...I hope I don't end up missing any fingers.

Who'd have thunk it?

2005-12-28T12:34:00.000-08:00

I distinctly remember telling a friend of mine that golf was ridiculous. How could he love hitting a little ball into a little hole, and on the days he couldn't play, he would sit at home and watch other people do the same thing on television? Are you kidding? I put it on the golf channel to fall asleep. Not anymore my friends. I am now hooked. Not just a little, but I have swallowed the bait, hook, and bobber.

The first time I played a course, I carried a five iron, a seven iron and a putter. The rest of the clubs stayed in the bag. I couldn't hit the ball more than thirty yards. Now I hit the ball a little farther and I find myself watching the golf channel...a lot. Once you've played, you start understanding how good the professionals are, and you can only hope to be.

For those of you on the fence about whether or not to even try the game, let me explain to you what drives me to play this sport. There is no other game that I can think of that a person will never score a perfect round and conditions constantly change. Bowlers score perfect games. Tennis players have perfect matches. Golfers will never get a hole-in-one on every hole. Bowlers will never have an object in their way that they will have to figure a way around. Golfers have to play the ball where it lies. Whether that is behind a tree or in knee deep grass depends on how well you can hit that tiny ball.

That's what drives me, a soccer and volleyball fanatic, to play this silly game. Who'd have thunk it?

I made it!

2005-12-25T16:34:00.000-08:00

I made the trip down 35 south without a problem. Thank God! I'm telling you, that freeway has been a parking lot just about every time I've been on it.

Now that I'm here, I like to relax. Do a little running, eat a lot, walk a little, eat some more...then eat some more! :) Tommorow though, I'm hoping to play some golf. Sant brought me a new driver, some golf balls, and a new pair of shoes. Oh man, I must've been good!

Whether you've been with family or friends today, I hope everybody has had a great Christmas. See you next year.

I-35

2005-12-22T12:40:00.000-08:00

Looks like I'll be taking another trip down south again for the holidays. I miss the family and I'm looking forward to seeing them, but I cannot stand the drive. I inevitably get stuck in some accident. Coming and going. Why? Why?

Of course it doesn't help that I'm leaving Christmas eve...but still. Why? Why?

Classic Rock

2005-12-19T18:21:00.000-08:00

Ever wondered why they call some music Classic Rock? Is it because most of the music is over 25 years old? Is the music somehow timeless? Maybe because "Golden Oldies" was already taken? I think the title applies to the amazing wall of sound, coupled with a strong backbeat, that typified this era of rock.

The reason I pose this question is due to the new cd Chris gave me to listen to. That's right, new. The cd is by The Darkness. At first listen I thought some songs were good, but not great. The next time through, I thought at least three songs were great. Now that I'm on my sixth listen, I think they're all great.

Now, I like Classic Rock, but I don't get stuck listening solely to this music. So, when I popped the cd in for the first time I thought, "Great. Sounds like 70's rock. Big deal." The more I listened to the songs, I started thinking that they might have something here. Most of the songs are "Pop-Rock" length in minutes and yet they seem to fit just what was needed: a great hook, soaring chorus, amazing guitar, and SOLID drumming. A la' AC/DC. Half of the time I can't understand a single thing that's said, but I still find myself humming one of the tunes throughout the day.

My hat is off to you Darkness. May one of you perish in a plane crash with tons of heroin and Jack Daniels, so that your music can become Classic Rock.

(Alright, I'm kidding, but man these guys are good!)

Gregory P Smith

2005-12-17T20:33:00.000-08:00

Greg is a friend of ours/mine that we(monkeyshyne) met about five years ago. He was in a band at the time and we played a show together and we all hit it off right away. Greg was even in the now defunct cover band known as Love Cracker. Yes that was all of monkeyshyne and Greg. Good times.

Greg now is a solo artist. I don't think it's for lack of trying, but he's been unable to get a band together for any extended period of time. So when he called last night and asked if I could help him out, I gladly said yes. We played at the R-Bar in Denton. Not to far from the North Texas campus. The night started out really slow. Not many people in the bar, but by the end of the night, it was packed. Which sucked for us, since we(actually he) was the starting act. However, we lucked out a little when the second band called and cancelled. The extra hour meant there were more people coming in, but they just weren't drunk enough to get rowdy and into the music. Maybe next time Greg will get the late slot.

If you ever get the chance, check him out. Pretty boy with a great voice. I've got a lot of respect for him after last night. Getting up there all by yourself, putting your heart and soul out there, and most of the time no one is even listening. Whew! Just gives me the chills thinking about it.

Thanks for the invite Greg, and if you ever need help again...call.

One last time

2005-12-15T13:15:00.000-08:00

That's right. This will (possibly) be the last time I write about our new Christmas song, "Christmas Mood". It puts me in the mood every time I hear it. Actually, it puts Santa in the mood too.

Make sure you check out Chris' new video: http://www.monkeyshine.info/christmas.html

or listen: http://www.myspace.com/monkeyshyne

or download: http://www.monkeyshine.info/christmasmood.mp3

We so need a stereo.

2005-12-14T06:44:00.000-08:00

This week so far has been a pain in the neck, literally. I woke up early Monday morning to use the bathroom and "shazaam!", pain shot through my neck and shoulders. I couldn't move my head to the left at all. I think my neck spazzed out because of Colin's and my attempts at getting the Cowboy game on the radio. Half of the time I had both elbows on the wheel while both of my hands were on the headphones trying to press them as hard as I could to my ears in hopes of hearing something through the Tejano station that was overtaking the game. I know my shoulders were getting tired and my neck was starting to hurt, but the game was almost over and I just had to hear the outcome. Now I'm paying for my stupidity.

This weekend I'm definitely installing a stereo in the van.

Did I tell you?

2005-12-09T11:22:00.000-08:00

Did I tell you we have a new Christmas song yet? I did? Sorry. I'm at work, I've just played my 20th straight game of bejeweled, and I figured I would go ahead and ramble about something....like our new Christmas song! Since I know you're going to download it, http://www.monkeyshine.info/christmasmood.mp3, I guess I'll give you the lyrics.

Christmas Mood

I'm in a christmas mood, and I don't mean to be rude,
but I've got a special present that I want to give to you.

Standing way to close, under the mistletoe, let me steal a kiss
Squeeze me, don't tease me, just make it quick before your boyfriend gets pissed.

I'm in a christmas mood, and I don't mean to be rude,
but I've got a special present that I want to give to you.

I want to see you dressed up as Santa Claus, wearing his hat,
and maybe leather boots, but nothing more than that.

I'm in a christmas mood, and I don't mean to be rude,
but I've got a special present that I want to give to you.

Now that your boyfriend is gone....
Fa la la la la la let's get it on!

I'm in a christmas mood, and I don't mean to be rude,
but I've got a special present that I want to give to you.

New song! New song!

2005-12-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

I know that like you, I've been waiting to hear a new kick ass song from Monkeyshyne for a while now. Since we can't seem to get anything good coming out of the studio, I figured it was time to make good on our promise.

Now, I'm not the type of person who stands around the piano on Christmas and sings carols with everyone. I'm pretty shy. I do sing "White Christmas" at the top of my lungs in the car, but I'm not about to do that in front of other people. Are you crazy?

However, I was sitting in my music room and just strumming some chords and thought they sounded kind of christmasy. (Is that even a word? Is there 1 or 2 es's in massy?) So, I told Chris the other night that I had some music for a Christmas song. He gave me the "are you crazy?" look. Then he calls me and tells me he has an idea for the song.

So, if you're tired of singing songs your Grandparents liked, then check out our new Christmas song.
http://www.myspace.com/monkeyshyne or download it: http://www.monkeyshine.info/christmasmood.mp3

Merry Christmas!

It's that time of year.

2005-12-07T19:08:00.000-08:00

Most people are spending their time and money at malls, looking at catalogs, or even online shopping. I'm not so excited about the shopping part. I'm not all humbug either. I do enjoy wrapping presents and giving them. I even enjoy putting up the tree and throwing as many icicles as I can on it. I however, am in a different frame of mind. One I like to call a "Christmas Mood". The kind of mood one finds themselves in after sipping too much eggnog and hanging out by the fire.

To myspace or not to myspace?

2005-12-05T12:20:00.000-08:00

I'm not really familiar with myspace. Chris and Colin both have pages set up, and of course our band has a page, but the question I had was, "Do I really need one?". The guys said, "Yes!".

So, I decided to check out a few pages. One of the things I noticed was that everyone's got pics of themselves. I checked out a lot of the pages posted by guys because I wanted to see what I should do to be cool. After spending about an hour looking at men, I decided I needed to spend time looking at the women; just to make things fair. However, I think I spent a couple hours looking at the opposite sex. Sorry, I digress.

One thing I did notice about the pictures, is that the sexier they are the better. Almost all of the guys took pictures of their abs. Well, needless to say, this left me feeling a little uncomfortable, seeing as how I'm not known for my six-pack. Then I got to thinking...how hard could it be to get a six-pack? A few sit-ups, cut back on my soft drink intake, eat a few less fries, and voila: instant six-pack. Here are a few pics that documented my week long regimen.

First, I had to buzz my belly to get the true scope of my project.

After about three days, the next step was to pose in my underwear and take a picture from an angle (always a good idea). Plus wearing some jewelry would make the voyeur stare at the gold rather than my belly.

During the next four days, I tanned and decided to cut out fries completely. Then I figured, if I was going to show how much I improved, I should have someone else take the picture. However, I was still a litte insecure, so I chose to wear a slimming colored shirt for the photo.

All in all, I think the picture turned out well. Make sure you keep a lookout for my myspace page.

p.s. The one thing I miss terribly, are the fries. So, I figure since I only need about a week to lose the weight, I'll go ahead and continue eating them.

Studying? You've got to be kidding me.

2005-12-04T13:57:00.000-08:00

Last night we played in Denton, Tx. For those of you that aren't familiar with the area, Denton is home to two colleges. University of North Texas and Texas Womens University. We played right across the street from North Texas. It was a bit chilly and I know it was "Dead Week", but the club was devoid of people for the entire night. When I was in school, I didn't stay in and study the week before finals, I was out partying somewhere. I guess that doesn't happen anymore.

However, the night wasn't a total letdown. We did have a few friends show up, and I sang our new Christmas song so many times that I think I heard the door guy humming it as we packed up our stuff.

I want to be interesting.

2005-12-03T13:10:00.000-08:00

I subscribe to numerous artists fan sites. I'm curious as to what they have to offer fans in the way of really cool things. Most have pre-sale ticket offers and contests, and they include something about what the artist is doing with their time. You know, some cool show coming up, a television appearance, heading out to another country...etc. I wish I could do the same things. It's pretty cool how they're asked to do so many things. I know that one could look at it as being used, but it's no different than any other business partnerships. I could become a director where I work at and I would get asked for things, but I'm not going to get invited to a world movie premiere, or backstage to any concert I want, or free boarding in Vegas. One of these days maybe. Then I'll have some really cool stuff for y'all to read about.

Quit kissing me!

2005-11-30T14:02:00.000-08:00

I feel like poop. Well, what I imagine poop might feel like. Lifeless and smelly. I've been to work every single day since this weekend with the boys and I've progressively felt worse each hour. I have taken a shower, but as Chris has so eloquently pointed out, and I quote, "When I get sick and after I get sick my senses get hightened, my sense of hearing, smelling and taste are 10x's better than they usually are." In my case, I think they're worse. More to the point, everything smells bad. Really bad. My hair is limp. My body hurts. My skin looks bad. I've got this nagging feeling that my breath is bad too. Which may be a good thing now that I think about it. This way I don't have to give the guys a kiss on each cheek. Chris and his damn "European Handshake" is what got me sick in the first place.

Scott, Scott, Scott

2005-11-28T06:14:00.000-08:00

http://www.scorndesign.com/ is the website of our friend and photographer extraordinaire, Scott, who came in to Wichita Falls from Alabama for the weekend. He hasn't been around for a while, so there's a new photographer running around the Iron Horse Pub. He's not as good as Scott. Yes, that's my opinion, but take a look at his site and I think you'll agree that he's pretty damn good at shooting live bands. As you can imagine, this rivalry made for a good time.

Friday night, Scott took all the photos of us and Bigloo, while his arch-nemesis, sat back and watched. However, Saturday was a different story. Scott was busy shooting us and then took a break. Wideawake began their set and Scott took a few pics, but then sat down with us and hung out. I thought it a little strange at first, but then I noticed a trend. Scott would look around and either get up for a few more photos, or stay and keep talking. He kept this up for a while and then I figured out why he got up...his arch-nemesis was taking photos! I asked Scott what was up and he told me he was just marking his territory. I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard!

Scott, Scott, Scott. Thanks for making our weekend a blast! Hope we see you again soon.

OK, OK

2005-11-24T15:32:00.000-08:00

Yes I have many things to be thankful for today, but as I'm sitting here watching the Cowboys' game, I realize that I'm really thankful for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

My sexy name: decoded

2005-11-22T08:16:00.000-08:00

I know Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I should probably say something witty about it, but why talk about that when I can show you this?

Oh my, Oh my! Who would have thunk it?!

tournament

2005-11-20T18:10:00.000-08:00

This weekend I had a soccer tournament. It was held at Pizza Hut Park. To be more exact, the fields next to Pizza Hut Park. If you've never been out there, it is amazing. The stadium is incredible and the fields outside are level and actually have grass growing on them. I know, you're thinking that of course there is grass on a soccer field. Not always the case; believe me.

We ended up finishing second. Not bad I guess. I'm just beat. Beat up too. Five games and my body is hating me right now. So, if anyone is interested, I'll need a chiropractor and a massage therapist. Never mind. If you can give a good rub down, give me a call.

A little disappointed.

2005-11-16T08:21:00.000-08:00

Well, I missed Score this weekend at Craig’s studio. I was so looking forward to getting in a good round of drinking. Instead, Chris and I spent a lot of time on vocals. Which of course gets real tiring, so we took frequent breaks. During one of these, Craig just passed out. When I say passed out, I mean we couldn’t wake him up. Whenever we tried, he would actually answer (something incoherent), and then fall asleep again. It was pretty damn funny! I don’t remember how many times we tried before we actually woke him up. I think I’ve found a new drinking game…. “how many times does it take to get Craig up?”

C'mon Mom...

2005-11-14T06:16:00.000-08:00

Obviously the tabloid writers are getting a lot smarter these days. Instead of going through the celebrities publicists, they are now talking to the one's in the know...the parents. Take Demi and Ashton's engagement. Top secret, hush hush. Mom tell's the magazines all about it. Jennifer Ashton and Vince Vaughn are just friends. Hmm, let's ask Mom...."Oh, yeah. They're engaged and will be married in December"

Thanks Mom! I understand you're proud, but come on, don't tell everyone about the personal stuff. From here on out I'm only telling Dad about my personal life...at least he'll get some money for the story.

I learn something new everyday.

2005-11-08T15:17:00.000-08:00

We were recording this past weekend at our friend Craig’s studio. One of his part time engineers is another friend, KC He’s the current bassist for Mr. Ryan Cabrera. Since KC is a really good friend, we try to find any show that Ryan’s going to be on, just to catch a glimpse of KC Unfortunately, we don’t get to see much of him. The best show that shows the most of him is Score. The show’s plot is supposed to revolve around two songwriters that must write a song to win a date. Loosely based on The Dating Game (not as many questions). Each songwriter gets to spend time with the band and then time with Ryan alone.

Craig has Tevo, so he has recorded just about every episode. Well, after fast forwarding through everything until we get to see KC, we decided to watch a little bit of the show. We are now hooked. Not just we get to hear some of the smart-ass things KC says, but some of the dumb-assed things Ryan says. This last episode had some amazing Ryanisms: For serious, Flies of Butter, and my personal favorite…Ridonkulus. The band is seriously, sorry, “for seriously” thinking about starting a drinking game around his sayings. We’re hoping it will catch on and bring some “ridonkulus” spotlight to the rest of us from the Dallas scene.

How Rock Star is that?

2005-11-07T14:17:00.000-08:00

Starbucks has boycotted Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Springsteen? Bruce Springsteen is the consummate American Songwriter. He's written about everything that is and could be, American. All the trials and tribulations that the people of this country have to deal with.

I mean, who hasn't seen the video for "Born In The U.S.A."? He pulls Friends superstar, Courtney Cox up on stage, when she was still a kid. Who doesn't remember the film "Philadelphia"? Tom Hanks won an Oscar for his role of an AIDS victim. And who wrote the song? What about "Jerry Maguire"? The list goes on...

Now, just because he's decided to write about picking up a street-walker and trying a little Greek (if you know what I mean), and Starbucks is saying "No" to Bruce. Eric Clapton can sing about "Cocaine" and Bruce can't talk about a little dirty sex. Banned from Starbucks; Bruce you're a rock star for sure!

Have you ever noticed?

2005-11-03T14:43:00.000-08:00

They look like a couple of bobble-head dolls?

Mary Kate and Ashley have more money than the continent of South America and yet they can't seem to buy themselves a decent meal. So why not just buy a prosthetic body? Not a sumo outfit, but one that makes them appear to be healthy? They would be so much more beautiful.

I'm not sure I understand the fascination with not eating. I will admit I'm a little envious of their willpower. I would like to have a better body, but I'm sure as hell going to eat something. Actually, I eat something every two hours. When my body says it's hungry, I listen. It's a dangerous disease, but I think I have a cure for them.

I could always invite them over for a little Mexican....

How much?

2005-11-01T17:08:00.000-08:00

Would you seriously pay more than $1,000 on a suit? If you've paid more than that, do you feel it was an investment? Will you have it for your entire lifetime? I've bought a new car before and felt excited for about 3 months. I'll be lucky to own it for 10 years. I've bought a new suit and felt like a million dollars for the day. The second time, was kinda cool, and after that...I thought about how often I'll have to dry clean it.

How much would you pay for a suit that will never fit and belonged to someone else? John Lennon's suit, that he wore for the "Abbey Road" photo shoot, was auctioned off for $118,000. Isn't that amazing? I wonder how much my underwear will go for from my calendar photo shoot? I'm betting at least a cool hundred.....pennies.

New Discovery

2005-10-29T12:25:00.000-07:00

Chris brought it to my attention last night that for grown-ups, Halloween is just an excuse to show more flesh than you would (or should) and get away with it. This applies primarily to the women. I make sure I stare for a minute, maybe two, and then tell them how great of a costume they have. I figure, if you're going to spend as long as you have getting prepared, then I should spend some time admiring it.

One thing I did observe was that even though it's "socially" acceptable to dress this way, I still heard more women say, "She looks like a slut." Even from the one's dressed just as provocatively. Hmm. Jealous?

Well, I say good for them. You dress how you want to. I think it's great that once a year, I get to leave the house wearing my favorite catholic school girl outfit.

That's a costume?

2005-10-27T11:40:00.000-07:00

Chris and I were debating on whether to wear a costume or not for Friday's gig. I thought it might be kinda cool, but I've always felt a bit akward in a costume, even as a kid. The only one I remember was a Spiderman costume. Just a hard plastic mask that went with a t-shirt and pants. The mask was really hot and I couldn't see out of the eyes most of the time. So I just wore it on top of my head and if I remembered, I would put it down when I got to someone's door. I might as well have run around in my own clothes and collected candy. I'm not sure why I've never been able to get into the role. My brother, however, had no problem being Darth Vader or Superman. We had the a lot of the action figures for Star Wars, and he would come up with all the story lines and terrain for the battles. So then Chris suggests we just wear boxers and socks for Halloween. As you can imagine, I'm a little hesitant. I figure I'll go ahead and wear clothes and see how the night progresses. A few Jaeger-Bombs and I might end up commando....

Just tell everyone already.

2005-10-25T06:20:00.000-07:00

Allow me to elaborate:

Nicole Richie has broken her silence.

Richie said she and Hilton "really haven't been friends in probably about two years," but declined to say what caused the falling out between the ex-confidantes.

Last April, Hilton released a statement attributing the split to Richie, but failing to provide specifics.

"I will not go into the details of what happened," Hilton said. "All I will say is that Nicole knows what she did, and that's all I am ever going to say about it."

For those that haven't guessed, they stopped talking because of me. That's right. I was in Vegas and the two of them were dancing on a tabletop next to me, so I offered to buy them drinks. As I was headed to the bar I heard them say, "Let's bet on it." When I came back, they were all smiles and telling me about who they knew and trying to give me their numbers. It was pretty entertaining. Paris took off to the bathroom and Nicole wouldn't go. Which of course, really irritated her. Then just as Paris was coming back, Nicole handed me a business card with her Dad's info on it. Paris had no idea what was on the card, but proceeded to cause a scene. So, while the two of them were at it, I told Nicole I would call and took off.

That's pretty much the story. I think they should just put it behind them. You know, kiss and make-up. Just make sure the video tape is rolling.

This past weekend....

2005-10-24T08:11:00.000-07:00

was great! I met some of Dan Dyer's fans and they were fantastic! Full of compliments. I was invited to sit at their table and hang out with them all night. I thought maybe some of them were related to Dan, but then I found out everyone at the table met each other by being fans of Dan. They were so enthusiatic and from what I gathered, they tell everyone they meet about the band(s) they love.

Man I hope they come back. :-)

Looks like I've done it again

2005-10-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

Nick Lachey called me late the other night. It sounded like he had been drinking and he demanded to know where I was. Um, let's see, home? You woke me up brainiac, and by the way, how did you get my number?

He said he couldn't find Jessica and I was the first person he thought of calling. I'm not sure if he was calling because he thought I might be with her or that he just wanted to talk about his feelings. It sounded like he was crying or laughing hysterically. I never got to find out. It was so loud wherever he was calling from that I couldn't understand what he was saying. Then we got cut off. I was pretty ticked off at first, but then I saw the silver lining. I'm thinking about starting a reality show called, "Who's calling Oz now?" It will just be a video feed of me sleeping until someone calls and then the viewer will get to hear both sides of the conversation. I'll start with the larger affiliates and then if no one bites, I'm sure I can get UPN to pick it up. Can't be any worse than Britney and Kevin's show.

It is definitely an art.

2005-10-19T14:56:00.000-07:00

It can be difficult to come up with just the right lyrics for a song. You need 1 part topic, 1 part perspiration, and 1 part inspiration. Of course, sometimes, they just flow out onto the paper. I've been having a hard time getting down the right words that will express exactly what I want to say.

So, I've been thinking about collaborating. Maybe someone who has a certain, I don't know what? Way with words, maybe? The first person to come to mind is Ashlee Simpson. She's a hometown girl, and I think her sister has a crush on me. Which could come in handy when I'm ready to be thrust into the spotlight. I digress. I've been reading some of Ashlee's lyrics and I think she knows just how to say things. Take her new song boyfriend:

well i'm sorry that he called me
and that i answered the telephone
don't be worried, i'm not with him
and when i go out tonight i'm goin home alone
just got back from my tour i'm a mess girl for sure
all i want is some fun guess that i'd better run
hollywood sucks you in, but it wont spit me out

Two words; Pure Poetry. Look at the way she subtley reminds everyone that she's been on tour and how you'll never really understand what Hollywood is like, and she will prevail. Also, she's a veteran in the scene, and I could really use some help with my stage presence. So, if you're reading this Ashlee, drop me a line. We could do Dairy Queen or something. My treat.

Way to go MOM!!

2005-10-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

My Mom just got a new promotion at work!! How cool is that? If some of you are like me, I forget that my Mom has a job. I usually get to see her on the weekends and we always end up talking about "my" life. She's always had a job, but it's kind of like seeing your grade school teacher at the supermarket: strange. Mainly because you only know them as your teacher.

Well I only think of my mom as Mom. Not that person that works hard and deserves that promotion...So, congratulations Mom. You deserve it!

When's dinner gonna be ready?

Duh DuhDuhDuh DuhDuhDuh DuhDuhDuh

2005-10-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah! He's back! You know the song! Just close your eyes and you can see him running up the stairs. And if you don't know that one...how about this?

It's the eye of the tiger
It's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge
Of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And his fortune must always be
Eye of the tiger

Yes, the guys might tease me about being pretty, but don't you think I'd make a great Rocky?

Come on. I already dress in black. And as you can tell, we both know fashion.

But wait! Did I mention how great I'd look as an action figure?

You know I could

2005-10-15T18:01:00.000-07:00

Chris and Colin have had many in-depth conversations about which character they are most like, whether it's a t.v. show cartoon or from a comic book. I somehow always, I repeat, always end up being the female. From He-Man, I would be She-Ra. From G.I. Joe, I was the Baroness. They say it's because I'm the pretty one.

Now there's talk of a movie starring a female superhero. The list of people to play the part are: Katie Holmes, Sandra Bullock, Mischa Barton, Eliza Dushku, Lauren Graham, and Catherine Zeta-Jones. I've never really thought of any of these actors as the superhero type, but if I had to pick someone, I'd go with either Mischa or Eliza. Solely because they have cool sounding names. If you haven't guessed the character, it's Wonder Woman. I haven't gotten any phone calls, so don't worry, it's not me. However, I do think I'd look kickass in some mid-calf red boots.....as Superman. What were you thinking?

Aahh, those were the days...

2005-10-12T11:17:00.000-07:00

..back when I was just a young kid and Chris still had hair. He was a little heavier then. And I wasn't good enough to have a mic. We mainly played at the VFW. But I tell you, those were the days.

Who's bra is it anyway?

2005-10-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

Yes. I actually removed the Britney Spear's brassiere from eBay. Kevin called me in tears. He said that he missed wearing it when he and Britney role played. He got me all choked up, cause I know exactly how he feels. I like wearing it while singing, "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman".

Who has the crisis?

2005-10-11T07:45:00.000-07:00

Most of you know that I don't talk about many negative things, but I was talking with a co-worker about the earthquake in Pakitstan and we realized that not many people in our office even knew about it. How sad is that? When I asked if they knew how many people lost their lives after Hurricane Katrina, almost everyone knew.

Hurricane Katrina took roughly 1,100 people's lives. The tsunami off the coast of Indonesia claimed 118,000 lives. Pakistan has lost over 38 times as many people as in the hurricane. And yet we have a hurricane that's about as large as a gnat compared to these other natural disaters and the whole world must know about it. We banded together after 9/11 and showed what we were made of. What happened to us after 4 years? We knew this was coming and yet instead of working together, this time we're busy pointing fingers, at each other no less. I wonder what would happen if an earthquake dumped California in the Pacific?

Not a bad weekend.

2005-10-10T12:49:00.000-07:00

We played in Fort Worth on Friday and our friends Kris Ann and Glory came out. I don't think anyone else made it, but that just meant we got to spend more quality time than usual with the girls. I found out that we've all known each other for almost 4 years. How cool is that? I can't believe they've been subjecting themselves to us for that long. Kinda makes you tear up, doesn't it?

Saturday we played in Temple, Tx. We started out low-key and ended up blowing the roof off. OK, maybe it was just the side door that blew open, but it was still exciting. Anna, our missing tambourine player, showed up for the first time in a few months. And then I got to hang out with the always beautiful Brooke, Aubrey, and Judy. They told me I was "hot" at least three times. Sure hope they come back. Nothing like getting the ego inflated once a month!

It's not mine.

2005-10-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

There's been a rumor that Katie Holmes is having my child. Not true. Some of you know that I've been Tom's body double in a few movies. Risky Business, All The Right Moves, Top Gun, Mission Impossible.

Now don't get me wrong Katie is great, but have you seen some of the pictures where she's got something on her lip? No offense, but I'm not getting anywhere near that.

Maybe it was Tom's MI2 double....

Just cause you have cash.

2005-10-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

Get this. It's Ashlee's (Simpson of course) birthday and I wanted to get her a special gift. So I call up my friend who owns a kennel. I tell him I need 7 shock collars and a remote and want to make sure it's inexpensive because I don't have that much cash. He assures me I can get a great deal because it will be in bulk. I spend a lot of time wrapping and leaving instructions on how to use it:

"Put one shock collar on each band member, manager, and whomever is putting the cd in that you're going to lip sync to. You might have to shave them if the collar doesn't make good contact. Then press the orange button once on the remote and tell them that unless they play the right song this time, you'll press it as many times as it takes to get to the right song."

"Love, me"

I thought it was not only a gift she's never had, but a very thoughtful one too. Well I guess if you have the money, you can get a Rolex for you baby sister. Thanks Jessi. Just had to one-up me didn't you?

Not again.

2005-10-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else find it kind of convenient that Jessica Simpson is leaving her man, not long after I mention that Jennifer Aniston likes "Mexican"? Sure we grew up in the same area and sure her cousin's aunt's twice-married uncle's daughter's best friend's sister's cousin's dog and my dog play together, but I don't want to be the one to break up a happy home.

I just might do it.

2005-10-05T09:10:00.000-07:00

A friend went on vacation to Jamaica recently and stayed at Hedonism. I just found out it's a resort. I thought it was something a local radio station called their promotion or getaway. You know, like Lalapalooza. So I asked her if she ran around nude at all...and she had.

I thought she was crazy. That is until I saw the amount of clothes I had to effing wash this past weekend. I think I could try nudity as my major dress attire. I must have done six loads. It's not the washing part that gets me. It's the whole drying thing that takes forever. I wonder how much one of those industrial strength dryers are? Maybe I need to have kids. I remember having to do the laundry as one of my chores. I could have three or four and then the whole house would be clean! Never mind. I just remembered my brother's house. He's got three boys, and he's lucky if he can get them to pick up their clothes.

Back to the nudity thing....I've never tried it, but I would think that since I have a hard enough time feeling good "in" my clothes, I can't imagine what I'd feel like "out" of them. What if you couldn't control your emotions? Got a little excited? If I did muster up enough courage, I think I'd walk around with my eyes closed and say the pledge of allegiance to myself, constantly.

While we're on the subject...

2005-10-03T14:50:00.000-07:00

What about these fancy little cards they give you at blockbuster and almost all grocery stores? All they're doing is collecting info about me. Who cares what shampoo I use or what type of laundry detergent I like? Think blockbuster is keeping track of what movies I've seen and are going to send me a free coupon on a new movie coming out? Why not just stick a chip in my head that records everything I purchase and then tells me what's else is out there that I'm sure to like? Does anyone else think it's a little scary that someone keeps tabs on you and then makes all the decisions too? Don't let them tell you what news is best for you or what book you should buy. I say buy something different each week! Keep them guessing! Revolt against iMedia.

New Computers Suck

2005-10-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

I just recently bought a new computer and realized I'm going to need to take some beginning courses on how to operate the damn thing. I'm not sure why, but I can use the one at work fine. I think it has to do with all the extra crap that came on my desktop. I had 400 icons pop up on my monitor. They're all quick ways to install more crap on my computer. Are they free? Noooo. Most are trials to get you hooked so you can't live without them. All I wanted was an icon for Internet, some sort of CD burner and iTunes.

Now it's prompting me to backup my OS (operating system). It took me fifteen minutes to figure out what the hell that was. Now why wouldn't they just put some CD in the box that will handle all this for me?

I quickly found out. I pressed the backup icon and it tells me it will need 13 blank CD's in order to complete the process. 13 CD's!!!

I think I seriously need a vacation.